Sometimes, I despair of this world and the people it contains.
I try to work hard, to take responsibility for my mistakes, to be grateful for my privileged life, to see the world from other people’s vantage points. I try to raise my children to do the same. I try to remember that most people in my life do so, too. I try to remember that there are many, many decent and reasonable people in the larger world. And then something like the Isla Vista killings occurs – only a month after the terrorist kidnapping of some 270 Nigerian schoolgirls. I haven’t a single wise thing to say about either.
Here’s an excerpt from one of the most insightful responses to Elliot Rodger’s killings I’ve read so far, by Laurie Penny in the New Statesman. (Thank you, Vee, for posting this to Facebook.)
The ideology behind these attacks – and there is ideology – is simple. Women owe men. Women, as a class, as a sex, owe men sex, love, attention, “adoration”, in Rodger’s words. We owe them respect and obedience, and our refusal to give it to them is to blame for their anger, their violence – stupid sluts get what they deserve. Most of all, there is an overpowering sense of rage and entitlement: the conviction that men have been denied a birthright of easy power.
from “Let’s call the Isla Vista killings what they were: misogynist extremism”, 25 May 2014
The Belle Jar is equally thoughtful:
We don’t know if Elliot Rodger was mentally ill. We don’t know if he was a “madman.” We do know that he was desperately lonely and unhappy, and that the Men’s Rights Movement convinced him that his loneliness and unhappiness was intentionally caused by women. Because this is what the Men’s Rights Movement does: it spreads misogyny, it spreads violence, and most of all it spreads a sense of entitlement towards women’s bodies. Pretending that this is the a rare act perpetrated by a “crazy” person is disingenuous and also does nothing to address the threat of violence that women face every day.
from “Elliot Rodger and Men Who Hate Women”, The Belle Jar, 24 May 2014
I hope you’ll read both linked articles in full. I’d appreciate knowing what you think.
My overwhelming sense is of a need for urgent action: we have to push back. We need to weed out any sense of entitlement in ourselves and in our children. We need to speak up in the presence of misogyny, and do so persistently and constructively and fearlessly.
And that is always the hardest part.
Kaya says
It’s awful what happens around us and even more so when you think about how convinced many people are that women should be belittled by men. I’m glad that people like you make a stand because it really counts, even in the smallest ways.
Starstruck says
It’s a multipronged battle. We have to fight glorification of violence at the same time as we fight the attitude that half the population is a commodity for the consumption of the other half. Along with this, it is so easy for disturbed people to find each other on the internet and have their views reinforced, and so hard for well-adjusted people to reach disturbed people in real life to help their views evolve.
So many people see one facet of the fight, and ignore the others, or see all the facets and think they are too hard to fight at all.
I’ve read a number of thoughtful posts on the matter now, by people with more eloquence and reach than I have. But the problem is, they still don’t reach the right people.
Ying says
Thank you, Kaya. I’m afraid that I don’t take enough of a stand: I fume about things in the security of my circle of friends/blog, but I’m fundamentally non-confrontational. I don’t meet MRAs and PUAs in my everyday life. I’m “too polite” (too afraid?) to contradict strangers, face to face. And Starstruck, I completely agree about posts not reaching “the right people” (who don’t want to be reached). I’m hoping that by starting small – with my children, their friends, with my wider circle of acquaintances – and trying to stay positive while questioning lazy assumptions – that we can effect modest change. And I still don’t think that’s nearly enough.